A month ago today, I posted a blog soliciting some advice. I only had one person that took me up on my offer and responded in an email. To that person, I say thanks! I feel that I need to update everyone and let everyone know some stuff that came about that I think is going to be a good thing in my life and something for which I’m truly excited!

I received a Facebook message on the 9 June and it was a real eyeopener. The message was from my sister that I never knew I had. She had been to see our dad that day and found me on Facebook and decided to send me a message. She had some of the same feelings that I had. Apparently he wasn’t in her life either. I read her message several times and thought long and hard about what to do.

I decided to go and see my dad on Saturday, 11 June. When I walked through the door of his apartment, I saw the hospital bed and what was left of the man that I had remembered as my dad. Cancer had reared its ugly head and there wasn’t much left of my dad. He was barely able to speak and when he did, it was almost inaudible. He grabbed my hand when I told him I was there and he didn’t let go for what seemed like hours. I sat there with him and his family. I left a few hours later and had many thoughts on my mind as I drove home. But the most important thing I did while I was on my drive home, was to call my kiddo and tell him that I loved him and wished him a happy birthday, and that I couldn’t wait to see him when I picked him up the next day. All things I would have given everything I had to hear while I was growing up from the man I just left on his deathbed.

The following Thursday, I received a call from my dad’s wife that he had taken a turn for the worse and had slipped into a coma. I made arrangements for a buddy to take my kiddo indoor rock climbing and then I rushed back to his apartment. I spent a few hours with him that evening but I had to pick up my kiddo and get some rest for work the next day. I got the call, that my dad had passed away as I was returning to work from lunch on Friday.

I decided that instead of going to spend time with his wife and family, I would spend as much time with my kiddo as possible. I really didn’t want to drop him off on Father’s Day, but my week with him had come to a close.

I went to the memorial service on Monday, 20 June. I think there were like twenty people at the service. I got to see my grandmother and other family members that I haven’t seen in years! I also got to meet my sister and her boyfriend and their two kids. I suppose the thing that was the most shocking was the obituary and minister that was performing the service. The man didn’t know my dad from Adam’s house cat. He was going off the obituary through the whole service. As much as I thought about saying something to the guy, he was just getting paid to do what my dad’s wife asked for. I almost busted out laughing during the memorial service when I read this from the obituary.

“He had one primary focus in life and that was his family.”

What! Are you serious?!?! That must have been with his latest wife and her kid and grand kids. Hell they didn’t even spell my kiddo’s name right or get the city where he lived correct. But the past is the past. I’m glad he stepped up to be a step-father to her. At least he was there for someone.
I’m moving on with my life now. I’ve decided that I’m going to get to know my sister and her family and make them a part of mine. I’m actually going to spend some time with her today and let her and her kiddos, meet mine.

If I’ve learned one thing from this whole chaotic situation that I’ve had with my dad, and I use that term loosely, is that my kiddo will never know what it feels like to not know how his dad feels about him. I will make damn sure that I’m in every aspect of my kiddo’s life. I don’t care the cost or the sacrifice that has to be made. He deserves that from me! And he will get everything he deserves!

One thought on “Update on Advice Needed”

  1. I wondered what happened with this. I’m very sorry for your loss but the opportunity of getting to know your sister sounds promising.

    I’m sure that what you’ve gone through with your dad has played a role in who you are today. You are such a great Dad to your kiddo. There’s no doubt about that.

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