There’s an old saying, “I’ll try anything once and twice if I like it”. Well for me, that’s normally true. Many things I have tried and liked and have tried again. But when it comes to relationships, I must admit, that saying is not necessarily a good thing. I am still pretty new to this dating scene, so I’m bound to make some mistakes. I have made the same mistake twice now and never will it happen again.
When I decided to get back into the dating scene, I didn’t set myself up with guidelines to follow. My latest relationship has shown me that I need to set some rules for myself when it comes to dating. From this point on, the guidelines have been set. I’m only going to post one of them on here. The rest are clearly etched into my mind and I will never make the same mistake again when it comes to dating.
For the past few weeks, I had been dating a great girl. The only thing that I couldn’t stand about our short relationship, is that there were some things that she requested of me that I refuse to change about myself. If you know me, then you know that when I started dating my ex-wife, I changed everything about myself for her. This made for a long twelve years. So from the time that we split, I made a vow to myself, never to change who I am for anyone. I guess I am old and set in my ways, but I plan to be myself and I won’t change for anyone.
So from here on out, there are a few things that I need to get out there so that others may see what I refuse to change about myself and the reasons why I feel the way I do.
1. I drink. Most of the time, I do not get intoxicated, but there are times that I decide to tie one on. I gave up drinking for twelve years and I refuse to give it up again.
2. I smoke. Yes I know that this is a horrible habit and I need to quit. But at this point in my life, it is something that I enjoy. Does it make my clothes and breath smell rancid, yes it does. At some point in my life, I do plan on quitting, but it doesn’t appear it will happen anytime soon.
3. I party. This happens on occasion. It’s not something that happens every night, but I will continue to go out and enjoy myself when I feel like it. If someone that I am dating cannot or will not go with me, I will still go on my own.
4. My friends. This was left for the last as it is most important. My friends are my friends. I have had to make new friends on more than one occasion. I refuse to ditch my friends for someone that I’m dating. I have friends that are female, including my best friend. If someone I’m interested in is insecure or feels uncomfortable that my best friend is a beautiful woman, then that’s where it ends. I know that it is a hard thing to grasp that I will take trips with my best friend, and may even sleep in the same bed as my best friend, but she is just that, my best friend.
Good for you, Stan. I know I struggle with boundaries and I’m getting better at it. It’s a hard one to do sometimes, especially when you’re caught up in the moment. But it’s great that you have lined them out. Good luck in your dating adventures. Cuz that’s what they are. I wish you the best, for that’s what you deserve.
It is very mature of you not to bash the girl you were dating. It seems that she just wasn’t right for you. Sometimes we fall for people too fast and then later on realize that maybe that relationship wasn’t the best idea. You will never be happy with someone unless you find that person who is able to accept you for who you are and who you can accept for who they are and love them despite their flaws. You’re ex’s weren’t able to understand that and I guess that this most recent girl understood it wasn’t fair to ask you to change. That is why it ended after a short time. Maybe she was insecure and couldn’t handle your best friend being female. In that case, you need to find a woman who is secure in her own abilities of keeping a man. One day you will find the right woman for you just as I have finally found the right man for me. Don’t give up hope and never settle for less than you deserve.
P.S. I apologize for the immature things I may have said to you in the past. I wish for nothing but your future happiness. Good luck with everything. 🙂
~Steph
I agree with you. I don’t think you should have to change anything about yourself for someone else.. That’s who you are and that’s what the other person should appreciate. Everyone has flaws you just have to find someone who will accept this and love you for who you truly are inside and out. And from what I hear you have a pretty start on that!
Ok, ok I understand the whole not changing yourself for another person, been there done that…more than once. When you find the right person, they should make you a better version of yourself, not a different version of yourself. BUT…if you go into a relationship saying, I will not do this, I will not do that, first its gonna bite you directly in the a**, because you will fall head over heels in love someday, you will be holding her purse as she shops, and you will want to please her. As far as your best friend, maybe you guys should try each other out! If I was in love with someone and they slept with any other woman, maimed, deformed, whatever, I would go off! Most women don’t like to share. Relationships are all about compromise, love, and balance. I wrote the book on dysfunctional relationships, believe me, but I know some of the answers, which kind of sucks to pick complete emotional handicaps and abusers who dont even try. My point, compromise, be open, and keep your expectations high and your values higher! Good luck and God Bless!